Absolute Cinema

Just keep clicking, they post online. They don't know I played this game for 8 years. A lot of matches, I would say even half, end in defeat. No surprise there. A moment's hesitation and you're gone. And you run this simulation over and over and over again. Some ask you why you've put almost 4,000 waking hours into this.

You really couldn't say. You started like anyone else! Half interested, at first, but the things you saw online... You saw the fun people were having. Why not you?

Why not me, I thought to myself. It wasn't as though they deserved it more than I did, to have fun. To win. They just went for it. Every time I held back, someone else risked. And, what I think the real trick is nobody understands.

They risk it, too. Sometimes, they lose. But they don't let that keep them from risking it again and again and again. Because sometimes, they win. That's it. You can't win, if you don't play. When you play, win some and you lose some. You always lose every game you don't play, and you never win if you don't risk something.

So, here I am, third time around, about to risk it all again, like the best game I ever played. Undying. Flawless. Victory. Yeah it might not make sense. I wouldn't expect someone who doesn't play to understand.

At this point in my life, I'm looking for the perfect win. The next few months will be an exploration into what I am really playing for. To see whether or not I am really playing myself.