Paranoid Khamenei Panics Upon Learning Kitchen Full Of Suspicious White Powders

"Is THAT anthrax??" he continued, pointing to yet more flour.

Tehran, July 8 - Personnel at the official residence of Iran's Supreme Leader recalled a hullabaloo today when the ayatollah discovered that his food is prepared in proximity to substances that bear an uncomfortable resemblance in form and color to dangerous toxins and pathogens.

Kitchen staff told reporters that they faced a tense hour as each white powder in the room and its adjacent storerooms underwent testing to assuage Ali Khamenei's fears that the Mossad or some other hostile actor has been trying to infect or poison him.

"Is that anthrax? Is THAT anthrax? Maybe THAT one's anthrax??" the Ayatollah shouted upon catching sight of flour, salt, and baking soda this morning. House of Leadership security removed each canister of white powder for inspection and chemical analysis, while others sought to calm the 86-year-old who saw his entire military and intelligence leadership killed around him in the recent war with Israel - aided by thorough Mossad penetration of his regime's most sensitive echelons.

"Is THAT anthrax??" he continued, pointing to yet more flour.

Bodyguards and aides ushered Khamenei out of the kitchen, where he had apparently wandered after taking a wrong turn on the way to have his diaper changed.

Reports of the Supreme Leader feeling paranoid and alone, and lashing out at those around him, have proliferated since Israel took out most of the senior leadership of the Islamic Revolutionary Guards Corps and numerous other figures prominent in repression of the regime's domestic critics. They also killed most of Iran's top nuclear scientists and collaborated with the US on the neuralization of Iran's nuclear weapons program.

The impunity with which Israel conducts operations within Iran - with assassinations and the destruction of various air defense facilities accomplished through a drone base that the Mossad assembled inside the country - has long been evident, with striking demonstrations of the phenomenon when the Mossad stole the regime's entire nuclear archive in 2015. The isolation has compounded with the effective abandonment of Iran by its ostensible allies in the "Axis of Upheaval" comprising the Islamic Republic itself, North Korea, China, and Russia none of which lifted a finger to help Iran against Israel.

Khamenei's paranoia has also become evident in the postwar repression visited on the Iranian people, with more Iranian dying at the hands of the regime than in the war itself.

Observers also reported the Supreme Leader's apparent panic at hearing a snippet of The Archies' song "Sugar Sugar."

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