A Geeky Guy's Guide to The Rip

I have to admit, I still have a positive bias toward Ben Affleck and Matt Damon ever since I saw Good Will Hunting. Not only do I think it is one of the best movies about mental health ever made (especially one geared toward young men and their mental health) but I am just really impressed by the fact that a couple of buddies in their 20s wrote and made the movie. As a result, I tend to be drawn to any project that include both of them.

Beards. Because police have beards. I guess.

So when I saw ads for the Netflix movie The Rip, my ears and eyes perked up. I took a look at the description and something hit me. This movie is a ripoff of a couple of classic B movies from the 70s and 80s.

As a child of the 70s and 80s, I freaking LOVE John Carpenter. And I don't mean his horror movies like Halloween (although that is one I can watch). I mean Escape From new York, They Live and the two movies I was referring to before: Assault on Precinct 13 (1976 version) and the Thing. If you haven't seen those movies, skip The Rip and just watch any or all of those.

For the uninitiated, Assault on Precinct 13 is a super low budget movie about... well... and assault on Precinct 13. A gang attacks a police station. The police and the criminals inside need to band together to survive until the state police can get there. It is super cheesy and even more fun. The Thing on the other hand is not cheesy 9aside from the special effects). It is a remarkable remake of a 1950s movie about an arctic research facility that is invaded by... The Thing. A creature that can take over anyone's body. Anyone at any time can be the villain. It is actually an incredible movie.

The Rip seemed like writer Joe Carnahan had watched these Carpenter classics and said, "These are freaking awesome! What if I combine these two idea?" It would have to be twice as awesome!" He would be wrong.

By ripping off both of these ideas, Carnahan really has no ideas. Neither aspect of the story goes anywhere. In The Rip, Affleck and Damon play the leaders of a police special unit that stumbles upon a more valuable bust than they had expected. They need to count the money and get it out before being killed. Someone on the team is obviously a traitor... but who? My answer: who cares?

Although that premise, backed up by Affleck and Damon could not miss... but it did. And it missed badly. The movie is just plodding and boring. It is like they had a checklist of things they wanted to rip off from those movies and methodically went down the list checking them off. I honestly can't think of a single shocking or original thing that they did.

Like so many movies these days, this probably would have been better as a 42 minute episode of Law and Order Criminal Intent. Even thought they had two distinct stories to deal with, they were both so simplistic that both of them could be tied up in-between the commercials.

Sadly the movie wasn't even bad enough to get me angry. At least I have fun ranting about movies I despise. This one just sat there. When it was over I just went, "Yep. I watched that." and promptly forgot just about everything about it.

​

Whether or not to watch this depends entirely on how much time you have to waste. It is not terrible. But it is not good. It also matters if you have seen The Thing, Escape From New York, or They Live. If you haven't seen those, use the time you would have spent on The Rip and watch those. And then if you still have time left over and you are in for a low budget simple movie, check out Assault on Precinct 13 (1976 version). Then and only then should you spend time on The Rip.