Sexy or Secure Dressing? Relationships

I don’t know how many people or who is even gonna agree with me but I am of the opinion that "no one in a relationship should dress in a sexual manner" and as usual im gonna talk from both sides cos I consider myself a liberal person and those that are for the notion often give the argument that it constitutes a "deviation from loyalty" is a provocative stance that touches on how we define respect within a partnership.

To unpack this, one must look at the drivers behind how we dress, the “societal gaze” that interprets those choices, and the shifting definitions of what it actually means to be loyal to a partner in the modern age. This perspective deals with the fact that physical presentation is a form of communication. Those that are of this view argue that dressing in a way specifically intended to be "sexual" often described by showing skin, or following provocative trends is a signal sent out into the world. If a relationship is a private sanctuary built on exclusivity, the logic follows that one’s most "appealing" or "inviting" features should be reserved for their partner alone. From this angle, choosing to present oneself sexually to the public feels like an advertisement for a product that is already sold!! It is seen as an invitation for external validation, which, to some, feels like the first step towards infidelity. In this framework, loyalty isn't just about who you sleep with, it’s about whose gaze you are actively courting.

However, on the other side of the argument, this argument often runs into a fundamental conflict with the concept of individual autonomy(independence). One of the primary counterpoints to the above paragraph is that how a person dresses is often more about their internal relationship with themselves than it is about an external audience. For many, dressing in a way that feels "sexy" or attractive is a boost to self-esteem and a way to feel powerful in their own skin. When an individual enters a relationship, they do not cease to be an individual with their own tastes and desires. If a woman loves wearing a form fitting dress because it makes her feel confident and capable, or if a man enjoys wearing a tailored shirt that emphasizes his physique, are they truly "deviating" from their partner? Or are they simply maintaining the version of themselves that their partner fell in love with in the first place? And again of course what we term "sexual manner" is also notoriously subjective and culturally dependent. What is considered modest in one decade or region might be considered scandalous in another.

If a relationship's health is tied to a specific dress code, it can quickly devolve into a system of control. When one partner begins to dictate the dressing of the other under the guise of "protecting the relationship," the line between loyalty and possession becomes dangerously blurred. True loyalty is generally understood as a choice made from a place of trust. Furthermore, we must consider the "Male Gaze" and the "Female Gaze." Often, the person wearing the clothes is blamed for the sexualization that is actually occurring in the mind of the observer. If a person is dressed in a way they find stylish, but a stranger views them sexually, has the wearer been disloyal? To say "yes" is to grant strangers the power to define the wearer’s morality. And another way to look at it is that there is also the "Social Contract" aspect of a relationship to consider.

Every couple negotiates their own boundaries, which is why it is important to talk about what you are comfortable with in a relationship before it even goes deep. For some, total modesty in public is a shared value that brings them closer together they see it as a "secret" they keep for one another. In these cases, dressing sexually would indeed feel like a breach of a specific agreement but then again the most profound form of loyalty is being able to trust your partner to navigate the world, in all their beauty and self-expression, and knowing that their heart remains firmly at home.